As the roles began to reverse between my Dad and me, I wrote some posts on the subject of caregiving. Now that I have been relieved of my caregiving duties by a superior officer, it’s time to conclude that series.

Caregiving is always a team effort, to at least some extent. There’s at least doctors, who need to be coordinated to make sure each one has all the information needed and knows what the others are doing. There may be aides and therapists. When my Dad moved to an assisted living home, the staff there became part of the team. As time went on, I became as much a caregiving “team leader” as an actual caregiver.

I wrote about selecting a long-term care home here. We selected Langston Place in Clinton, SC. My Dad had the final word, but myself and other family members assisted with the selection, and we all agreed this was the right place. My Dad had spent some time at a skilled nursing facility, and he was greatly disturbed by some of the patients there who were, well, very near their end. By picking some place that was just assisted living, we hoped to avoid that. Langston is also a smaller facility, and with my Dad not being one for crowds, this seemed like another plus.

Over time I came to know my team, the staff, and they me. Overall I was very satisfied. Oh sure, there were problems from time to time. If anything, it might be a problem if there weren’t problems; like the engine that stops leaking oil because there’s no oil left. But I brought the problems to the attention of the management and they were addressed. Now I know I won’t have any further problems (I just need to collect my Dad’s things), but like that engine that has stopped leaking, it doesn’t feel real good.

I don’t know if there are any statistics on how many long-term care facilities got corona virus cases when, but I think they did a Great job with the pandemic. They began taking action early, and didn’t have any cases for 9 months, not until the virus was pretty much raging all around. From what I was told, heard, what little I was able to see in person, and just knowing the people, I know they did, and continue to do, everything possible to protect the residents and staff. With the surge in cases in the area, though, it was pretty much inevitable that this virus would break in.

Now that the caregiving is done, I’m still waiting on the sense of relief to kick in. I would sometimes cringe when I got the monthly bill, but I’d write the check anyway. That was part of keeping a promise I made to my Mom before she died in 1993: that I would look after Dad. Still, though, even thinking about how I don’t have to worry about answering the phone in the middle of the night and rushing off to the hospital leaves me sad. I’m sure the relief will come though, maybe after all the affairs and legalities are settled, and I’ll be able to get to some things I put off.

It’s very easy to see omens and portents in things are are probably coincidences, but sometimes doing that helps us see events in a constructive manner. My Dad passed away on the Winter Solstice (he didn’t mess with Christmas), our longest dark night of the year. It marks the beginning of winter, which is a hard time indeed for many, especially my wild familiars. But the lengthening daylight attests to the promise of a spring that will come, with it’s renewal and new life. We will have cold, dark days ahead as we come to terms with this, but we will emerge renewed, into the spring sunshine.

As mentioned, there will be no services for my Dad until it becomes safe to travel and gather. If what the media is reporting holds (and it may not), that will likely be next summer, when everything is warm and green.

Has anyone else noticed that caregiving and caretaking pretty much mean the same thing?